SELF-TALK1: THE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE WITH OURSELVES
Almost everyone has a voice in their head that comments on what they are doing. Sometimes the words stay silent, and sometimes they come out loud, even when nobody is around. On the way home with heavy bags, a person may mutter2 a reminder, such as "Don't forget the milk," or a small push, like "Come on, only one more street." Psychologists call these private conversations self-talk. They are most frequent when we are alone, when we are under pressure, and when a problem is hard to solve.(lines 1–6)
Many of us see self-talk as a harmless habit that keeps our busy days well organized. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Talking to yourself in public can make you look silly. Anyone who has gone over the day's plans out loud on a crowded bus knows the feeling: you look up and realize, from the smiles around you, that the other passengers have been listening all along. Self-talk can also be harsh3. After a small mistake, an inner voice4 may say "You're so stupid," which only makes us feel worse.(lines 7–12)
Yet the same habit can also work in our favor. In one experiment, cyclists5 who kept repeating "You're doing well" rode longer than a group that stayed silent. Top athletes rely on positive self-talk to stay focused in competitions, and students who speak to themselves gently before an exam feel calmer. Gentle words also help people recover from setbacks6. What links these findings is the tone: the benefits appear mainly when the words we say to ourselves are kind and encouraging.(lines 13–18)
Martin Hale, a psychology professor who has studied the inner voice for more than twenty years, says that helpful self-talk can be learned. He suggests starting with some preparation: write down a few short sentences for difficult moments. They should be sentences that you truly believe. "I've done hard things before" works for this reason, while "I'm the best in the world" does little, since part of you knows it is not true. His second tip is to address yourself by name, or as "you" rather than "I." This creates distance from the problem, so you give yourself the advice you would give a friend.(lines 19–25)
At first, this new way of speaking to yourself may feel strange. According to Hale, kind self-talk is a habit, and it becomes natural only after weeks of practice. After a mistake, stop before you criticize7 yourself, and say what you would say to a friend instead. In time, the kind voice will start to sound like your own.(lines 26–29)